My child would come home after school and say he needed to relax.  Sure… I get that school is tiring and he needs a break. He can unwind, have lunch and watch a bit of TV, but then, getting him to switch off the television to get to the next activity was a nightmare.  He would scream and shout every afternoon.  Seeing him have a meltdown, and then take it out on me, his siblings and the furniture was extremely triggering to me and I didn’t know how to handle it.

I began to hate and dread the afternoons when he came home.  I was baffled at why he was so lazy, distracted and playful and began wondering where did I go wrong in my parenting.

Things started to click for me during the parent-teacher conference when all his subject teachers gave the same feedback - he was extremely distracted and wasn’t able to follow the class.  He writes slowly and often the last to finish.  He couldn’t copy composition drafts but instead drift off and play with his stationery, or stare into space, no matter how many times the teachers tried to direct him back.  

That’s when I thought perhaps my child could be on the ADHD spectrum.  Though he remains undiagnosed because he doesn’t meet the threshold for dysfunction, the parting words to me were, “Treat him as if he has ADHD and employ whatever strategies you can to help him cope.”  

I felt more alone than ever because I thought getting a diagnosis would solve all my problems magically (Maybe give me the magic pills?) But as he lay on the floor spitting, I knew if I left him alone, he would only get worse. Bad grades weren't the worst. My biggest fear was him believing he was stupid and wouldn't put in the necessary work, which leads to a negative, self-fulfilling prophecy. As an ex-teacher, I know it's easy to teach a child who has gaps in knowledge but far far far harder to teach a child who doesn't believe he can do it.

In my own research, I realized the experts all agree that

parent coaching is the most effective way to help the child build skills to manage the distraction and harness motivation. I now realize that I have something valuable to share with parents stuck in similar situations as me by combining my past psychological studies background, my profession as a teacher in a mainstream school and Montessori child-centric practices into something that can work for distracted children who can’t adapt well in the traditional school setting.

My passion and belief is that if I can reach 1 more parent, I can help them stop thinking that their child is merely lazy. I can help the parent mitigate conflict and stress in the family.

I can help the parent prevent the child from slipping down the slope of thinking the child is lazy, not good at anything… and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If I can help parents see that every child is unique, every child learns differently, every child is motivated in different ways, maybe we'll have less school under-achievers and more self-assured kids who know what they are good at, what they want to pursue and more parents supportive in this journey with them.